Anyway.
No excuses.
I don't want you treading on eggshells around me, alright?
I know you're just trying to help,
so I'm sorry, sorry. I’m sorry.
I think... I think last night
was the first time I realised how I'm actually feeling.
But now that my op’s been and gone
and it's like everything's just hit me,
and I don't feel like me at the minute.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like I'm in breast cancer limbo.
I don't know what I was expecting,
but I guess having the C-Bomb dropped on you will do that.
I know I'm lucky they caught it, but I don't feel lucky.
I feel angry.
And now I'm waiting for these results
to come back and I am scared.
I'm scared about that.
And I'm scared about what they'll say.
And my dressing comes off this week
and I'm going to have to face up to what I look like now.
And I am shitting myself about that as well.
And I haven't been... I haven't been able to look at it yet.
And there's this whole thing with my mum,
because you know, apparently black women don't get cancer?
I mean, Jesus,
you should have heard me.
I was like, Mum, I have breast cancer. I have breast cancer!
I have breast cancer. I do.
Like, I'm sorry, I'm rambling,
like a mad woman again, so please distract me
because I need to try and get out of this hole.
Can... can we just... can we just not talk about
can we just not talk about breast cancer for a bit, please?